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I Was Studying Exceptions, But Got Confused, So I Luckily Designed The Code Editor Instead

I spend a lot of time doing nothing without realizing I'm doing nothing. Brain injuries are like that, I guess.  I don't think anybody knows crap about anything & 99% of life is made up and provably stupid.  Whatever.  I seem to get going between 1-4pm.  No matter how hard I try to get moving, I bounce between different tasks until the fear piques and I find something to work on and hopefully find my focus. Awesome Sauce grew too much, or too big, or my living situation is overwhelming, or something.  Because I went from highly productive to scattered right after my son fed me his mom's lentils and rice.  Hmm. That's like what happened after the cup of coffee at his piano teacher's apt. Whatever. Keep forgetting nobody cares.  Except for those people putting me on blast on their social media accounts.  I'm probably good entertainment because I'm blind and write a lot. Last week I started trying to build diagrams for Awesome Sauce Java. The...

A Day Away From a Glowing Screen

One thing I've noticed and written about having been whacked dramatically hard in the noggin' is that my focus works but doesn't. Learning what that means has taken observation and time. The difficulty is that I have to observe while I'm doing, but while I'm doing, I'm concentrating on what I'm doing, not on observing. Why do I suddenly feel like I'm writing what I read years ago from J. Krishnamurthi? Every once in a while, I do something that allows me to see detail from a different perspective.  When I'm really fortunate, I get the chance to see from a high-level perspective.  Like yesterday.  Because it helped me to see, again, how I focus on things that are mostly on the table in front of me. I took the day off from the computer yesterday and worked on paper.  It was depressing.  Because it highlighted how regimented and tiny my world is.  I have four places to go: the library, Whole Foods, Starbucks, & my racoon-stank room (that I...

Taking Shape: Hot Sauce OS

In This Article: Configuring Awesome Sauce Java & Apps Update About Package Design A Language Without Normal Package Declarations Configuring Awesome Sauce Java & Apps: Git It? Well, with enough features in place, and enough R&D, it's now possible to start building.  In the last few weeks, macros and mediators have been upgraded/redesigned, and, while working on those two parts of the program, a bunch of other things have been either sketched out or worked on simultaneously. All the work is leading up to finally being able to build from the ground up. With a stable Awesome Sauce Java, access to the JDK, and a growing set of Lisp functions, it's going to be possible to start another iteration on aspects of the Hot Sauce OS. The first thing I'm doing to build the OS is configuring the code. Awesome Sauce Java is the basis for Hot Sauce.  I'm exploring providing a configurable programming language.  What that means is being able to build libraries ...

Just a Short Update

I'm reorganizing. What that means is Awesome Sauce Java is going to become structured for release.  Since the release path is forked, the structure of the project has to provide easy configuration for shipping: Stand-alone, Java based Awesome Sauce Java apps. Hot Sauce OS style, all apps running in their own threads & managed by Hot Sauce, based configuration. So all the code is getting moved and re-Git-ified to make sure all the parts can play nice, regardless of which release is being built/updated/released. One of the things I was working on last night on the train was making sure that both release formats provide the ability to edit the application while it's running, even after release, should the developer want their users to be able to edit and modify their application. What this means is that applications need to be able to connect to the ASJ Editor or ASJ Interface Builder apps.  The app, say it's a spreadsheet, needs to be able to connect to the devel...

Tomorrow's Here, but I Have to Call it Today

I love writing. Discovering blogging has been a bonus, too. After the assault in 2010, I didn't write for at least a little while. Then I decided that what me and my poverty needed was a woman. As ideas go, it didn't seem particularly stupid. Not knowing I'd had large swaths of neural trees obliterated, like a nuclear bomb leveling large swaths of forests?  That and the total lack of a filter made writing the women of Craigslist probably a big mistake. But write I did. Because I wrote just to write, and I wrote software, but none of it helped me progress.  I could see something was wrong, especially with software I wrote at the time. But I had no idea what was going on or why. I just knew my ability to express logic was completely broken, both in free-form writing, and in logical code. When I realized I had to write another human being in order to help me "see" the effects of what I wrote, how I wrote it, and how it might get perceived?  I'm pretty sure I ...

If There's a Tomorrow? This is what I'll Do

Just trying to get my focus back. I think the most difficult part of building a language with no income, a tenuous living situation in a room that smells like racoon poop (it's beyond nuclear, it's cruel and inhumane torture), sometimes having food/sometimes not, one pair of pants, three t-shirts, six pairs of socks, and a pair of shoes that suggest pre-meditation on the part of my ex-wife because they're named Apt 9 like the Apt 9 I'm being tortured in.  She bought me an Apt 9 shirt, too. And a pair of skin colored Dickey's. And they call me "the Colonel" behind my back, because my dad was a Colonel - though at 35 he was about to be promoted to whatever rank the boss of a Brigadier General is.  It's just mean to call a guy who lost his dad in 1974, when I was 11, a name intended to highlight some kind of military affiliation because of dad. I loved my dad, but his military crap was his. I learned how stupid it was to follow orders when I ran my si...

So Many Modes of Thinking, So Many Much Confusion

[Update] Wow. I just figured out what I was blocked on and...wow! Was this difficult. What I was working on goes way back to early prototypes and a problem I thought I had figured out, but really didn't, but it was good enough to build apps, but not really that right, but I used it, because it was all I had.  Where I was frustrated today at not getting things done?  Now I'm really happy because I have a rock-solid design. Phew!  But read the article below and when you get to the end, this will make sense!  Writing a programming language is wildly different and fun! The Original Introduction Is Below This Line Just a quick note. I'm learning why I get blocked when I'm not able to really make progress the way I'm attempting to.  I noticed today that I get intense fears or anxiety related to getting things done. The tension is pretty high. The fear I feel is probably not unlike any normal fears that anybody else feels when they sit down to work. The difference...